Ever hear people say "LIFE SUCKS!" ? It's silly, but I think that's true!

I’ve been waiting for her for a very long time. But because of my fuckin’ self is so stupid, and I always forgot about my way of life. She is always with someone else. Why you did this to me God?!, I know I often forget about you and your tasks. But please, do not tear us apart!! “– I write that on my Friendster page.Did you all know why I wrote that shit on my page?It’s because I do my life in that way. I do my life with that piece of shit things that keep bothering me, and always on my mind in every single time! Sometimes I feel alone because of no one can wipe my tears in my cry or just to make me keep on my big fuckin’ smile when I in some chaos. And sometimes I feel happy with friends do to me just to make me smile, while inside me, I’m crying!Yeah, I know I wrong, I know I stupid, but with all of my sins the heaven will not receive me, instead of the hell will welcomed me. Just because of some idiotism that nailed in my brain, I transformed myself into a walking dead with no fuckin’ brain which is he has only couples of missions: HIGH, DRUNK, DEAD!You all know why I do my life in this fuckin’ terrible way?Unfortunately it’s just because of one mistake that I’ve ever made when I was 15-16 years old (I’m sorry, I forget what’s my age on that time).

It’s start when I graduate from my Junior High School. After 5-6 months of my graduate. I became often to hangout with my Junior High School friends. Some of them is school, and some of them is didn’t. My friend who didn’t school is start asking me to drink a little bit, some of them is asking me to use the ‘ganja’ for sure.

But, because of my age is so want to know ‘the new stuff in my life’, I start with try the drinks of course, but (aaarrrggh, shit!, why is that thing is so tasty?!), it’s became some of addiction to me, I was not try to stop that, but I start to drink, drink, and drink again until I collapse because of drunk.
Later that day, I wake up with a terrible headache.
My god dammed activities is keep on going within 2-3 weeks until I try the ‘ganja’.When I first try the ‘ganja’, my mind is like fly away leaving my body in the earth! And this kind of ‘high’ is became some of new addiction to me of course. I using the ‘ganja’ almost everyday on my life (in that time of course). I keep doing that until myself is become so fuckin’ stupid, and my parents is start asking me things like: “Are you drink alcohol?”, or “Are you use marijuana?”. I became tired of my parents questions, I don’t know how to answer them, and I don’t know what are they doing to me if they know I do what they have asking to me.The ‘ganja’ plus alcohols equals THE RUIN ON MY LIFE!I want to stop my bad habit, but I don’t know how to start this from where.
Until, my cousin is see me with her only eyes when I drunk.
But, my cousin is not told what she sees to my parents. But she is asking me why I do this?From that, I’ve become realize what I do is wrong. I cry in my cousin’s hug, and I promise her I will not do this again.Yeah I promise her. And I do what I promise to her. I QUIT!That time also reminds me with my Junior High School girlfriend (hahahaha).
Her name is TINA. Yeah I love her so much.

Why I put her name on my post? It’s because of my bad habit makes me cannot meet her or just to say ‘Hi’ to her for a very long fuckin’ time. And also because of my terrible habit, I cannot tell her that I love her very much. I keep lying to myself that I love her very much, I fell shy to myself if I say that when I drunk. Many of my friends are know about my condition, but they also tell the opposite condition to her, just because they don’t want to hurt her feeling or mine.

Until now, I still love her very much, but because of our distance, and because of my stupidity, she is always with someone else (T_T).
If there is a time where there is just ME and HER. I promise, I will tell her how much I love her! I don’t care what will people say to me! Fuck what people say about me! But I still love her!

TINA, if you read this, I just want you to know. I STILL LOVE YOU LIKE WE FIRST MEET!! I’ll do anything to make you trust me (as well as I could do that).
To TINA’s now boyfriend: You are lucky bro! You have the most beautiful and the most kind angel on earth. Please take care of her. Keep her away from the troubles that bring a ruin to her life!Okay!

Well, that’s a little story of my fuckin’ terrible past. But now I became a different man, with a different fuckin’ think!

For who feel intimidate with my story, I’m so sorry, I write what I do.

For who feel the same condition as mine, I just want to say, that’s life! LIFE SUCKS isn’t it?!

Friday.
28-11-2008
21.21 PM